A different lullaby…

As I rocked her to sleep tonight I held her a little tighter. Tears streaming down my face: a moment with just me, this precious little one, and the sweet holy spirit…this night is different…this night is extra special…this night is absolutely beautiful!! 

As I woke up this morning I will admit I was nervous. Nervous for Claudena, nervous for myself…and fervently praying that the right choice (God’s perfect plan) for Claudena would  be made with much love and grace. Today Claudena saw her parents for the first time in 5 months….As they walked through the door I watched her mom look with anticipation to see this little miracle…her baby!! Oh how my heart broke for Claudena’s mom…and still does. For over an hour I watched momma and papa try to interact with their little girl. I watched as they happily watched their daughter walk for the first time in front of them. I watched as they listened to Claudena speak for the first time, and in many ways I felt like I was in this outside realm.  Wondering what Claudena was thinking, how she was feeling….continually praying for this mother’s heart .Today I watched parents praise the Lord for giving their daughter life. 

And then today I saw love in it’s purest form!! The kind of love that takes your breath away and very few people will ever understand or know. Today I saw God’s sacrificial love unfold as two parents looked me in the eyes and said they knew they could not take care of their daughter and wanted her to have a better life…a life of GOOD health and filled with love! 

As the paperwork was being drawn up I can’t express the feeling in that room. The sense of relief…the unspeakable words that seemed to flow from their eyes. Today as Megan pointed out was our “Gotcha” day. The Lord has brought this sweet child into my life for me to take care of and I am now her legal guardian!!! What a joy, what a privilege, what a day! 

Tonight the Lord continues to dip his paintbrush into a different color and ever so gently makes another stroke that changes the entire picture! Tonight our lullaby is different…silent, solemn, peaceful, and FULL of gratitude to the ultimate Father!!!

A Christmas Miracle!

I am beyond honored to write this blog…beyond blessed to witness God writing this beautiful story about life and abundant love. Honored that I can watch God move in great, big, miraculas ways. This blog is about Claudena…a baby who has yet to discover just how much our Lord loves her. A little girl that has captured so many peoples hearts…especially mine!!

Claudena in all reality should not be alive today. She was born with a congenital deformation called bladder extrophy. Not only is she prone to infections but the fact that her mother still took care of her is amazing in and of itself. Claudena’s first year of life has not been easy. She has lived in some of the worst conditions, never had any diapers to keep her bladder clean, and had no access to clean water…among many other things. BUT this is where I believe God is using Claudena and the story He has given her for HIS Glory! I fully believe that her life is SPECIAL and God has some BIG plans for her!!

Claudena was brought to my attention through a local Haitian Pastor who had met her in her horrible living conditions through his ministry in the province of Jacmel. He saw her medical situation and it broke his heart so he showed me a picture hoping I might be able to find someone that might help her in Haiti. I honestly had no clue what God was getting ready to do! I knew I couldn’t help her but I couldn’t stop thinking about her, having sleepless nights because my heart was so burdened for her, and praying God would protect her from any harm.

God has taken a small comment I wrote in a blog about her,burdened someone else’s heart in knoxville, that decided to tell a Doctor about her situation. Then that doctor decided not only to perform her surgery but pay for it as well!!

As if that’s not a testament to how good our God is listen to what He does next: He turned what seemed impossible to possible! In just two short weeks God guided our EVERY step, protected us in EVERY way, and encouraged us to fight for this little life. Claudena recieved her passport in just one day, and her visa was issued within 2 hours once we recieved an apt at the embassy.

I could go on and on about how our God moved during those two weeks…how He moved crazy traffic and allowed us to make what would be an hour or longer trip in less than 30 minutes, so we could make it to our final apt in time after being held up. I could talk about how my God gave us grace to push through high fevers and sickness because we knew this little life deserved to be fought for. I could talk about the many joys and tears ups and downs along the way…about the MANY prayer warriors that stood in the gap so faithfully for a child they didn’t know. But let me say this: I WILL NEVER get over the way my Savior showed so much love and compassion. How He literally craddled us in His tender arms and whispered sweet peace along the way!

Hearts are overflowing…overjoyed that God still brings healing and restoration to a little life that has not had it easy. The surgery is scheduled for the end of January and will be a difficult. There will not be a perfect fix, but I’ve watched the Lord move mountains for her and I know that He IS FAITHFUL!!! Her life has been and always will be in His hands! I have watched a Christmas miracle happen for this precious angel, and I am SO thankful that God has brought her into mine and my families life to love and protect. This Christmas will FOREVER be remember and I can honestly say I will treasure every moment of it in my heart!! Claudena does not have an easy road ahead of her so we ask for your continued prayers.

There’s so much more I could tell you, so if you have any questions please don’t hesitate to ask…it might take me a while to respond but i promise I will reply as soon as I can! 🙂

Wishing you all a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! What a profound hope we have because of our Savior!!

The following are some pictures to show you the HUGE progress she has made in just a short week…she knows now that she is safe and loved!!

The Battle…(warning: some people may feel uncomfortable reading this)!

Reality is evil is always lurking. There is this unseen spiritual battle at work; to be point blank it’s a struggle between bondage or freedom…

Trust me when I say that by NO MEANS can I write in a way that would fully describe what happened Wednesday…truth is some things can’t be shared. But, I want you to realize how serious life vs. death, bondage vs. freedom, love vs. destruction; how serious and real it is. This is not something to thrill you or give you a good read…it’s life and I know this battle rages everywhere but i’ve seen it with my own eyes in Haiti.

After I stumbled upon the remains of a previous voodoo ceremony Wednesday morning God really laid it on several hearts to sing and worship on the top of the mountain; this mountain  that is now a shining light in so much darkness. A mountain that has been abundantly prayed over, had many tears shed, and lots of hard work to transform it…this is a mountain that has been claimed by God to represent the fullness of His Glory…and lets just be honest: Satan doesn’t like it one bit!!

the remains of the ceremony from the night before on the mountain…

So in opposition he is trying to claim his territory over something that was never his to begin with.

Last night several of us, tired and not really sure what was about to take place, hiked up the mountain to pray, worship, and reclaim this land of God’s. We had no clue that when we got to the top another voodoo ceremony would be taking place at the very spot that I stood over and prayed earlier that morning. You could literally sense and feel evil in the air; it was thick…and there is where the spiritual battle became real.

On this land two things took place: one group was sacrificing and worshiping the Devil and then other was singing praises and worshiping the Lord of Lords!

1st Peter 5:8 says ” Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking who he may devour.”

That night we saw and heard the kingdom of darkness. Literally stood just a few feet away from people who were calling down spirits and offering up sacrifices. As I sat on the ground my back facing the ceremony I could sense darkness and evil behind me…but then this calming peace, freedom, & love in front of me. While singing the presence of God was sweet and indescribable but as soon as we would  stop and start praying or reading scripture we could hear their sacrifice being offered and the battle would once again make itself known. It’s a battle of SPIRITUAL WARFARE and for 1.5 hrs we were praying that the Lord would reveal himself. But here’s the sad reality, the voodoo people there that night(and SO many in this country)  think that they’ll gain from this evil. Only to find out in the end they’ll gain nothing but a lifetime of darkness and lies…these are true souls in the balance and facing strong deceit. These are the souls that need your prayers…that they’ll see Christ and turn from this bondage. (Ephesians 6:12)

Here’s the thing that lights my soul up every time I think about it… GUARANTEED VICTORY FOR THOSE THAT KNOW HIM!! You see the goodness of God in this battle is that God has PROMISED victory in our lives if we trust and know Him! Even though this strong spiritual war was taking place I have NEVER in my life experienced the sweetness of God like I did that night. There were times while singing that God’s presence was so strong all I could do was sit and weep. I didn’t know if I should move, continue to pray, sing, smile, continue to cry, or just bow my face as low to the ground as I possibly could. When you feel His GLORIOUS presence that strong it is literally the most humbling experience you will ever have!

There is where you realize just how UNWORTHY we are to be in His presence and call ourselves sons and daughters of the MOST HIGH KING!! The magnitude of His Glory is so strong no wonder we’ll have to wait until we get to heaven to truly see Him as He is…now I completely understand why we will BOW ON OUR KNEES and cry WORTHY IS THE LAMB!!

Never once did I feel threatened or unprotected…but my heart is saddened for the people that we heard and saw cry out to something that they really don’t want to interact with. Lift them up because VERY soon Revelation 11:5 says THERE WILL COME A DAY when the kingdoms of this world will become the kingdoms of our Lord and HE shall Reign For Ever and Ever!! THERE WILL COME A DAY THAT REVEALS THE KING OF GLORY,AND THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS WILL FOREVER BE PROCLAIMED ;THERE WILL COME A DAY, NO MORE NIGHT, NO SIN, NO SORROW NO MORE LONGING FOR TOMORROW…THERE WILL COME A DAY 🙂 Heart heavy for this country and the oppression they face but resting in this promise of Victory!!

Experiencing Jesus…

First off, I want to apologize for not updating this blog sooner.

I know many of you have wanted to know what’s going on and I want you to take this journey with me. I want to write in a way that it seems like you’re here. I want you to hear the incredible valiant stories of the peoples lives here. I want to share their stories in a way that honors them and gives Glory to God, but here’s where honesty MUST play a part…I DON”T KNOW HOW! For three weeks my mind and heart have been struggling to piece it all together.

I will say this: each trip I make to Haiti brings a new lesson (most times more than one). Hard lessons…NEEDED lessons…lessons from the ONLY One who knows my full heart! The One who knows my struggles. Knows my MANY weaknesses and flaws, but the One who knows that at the end of the day: no matter how much these eyes have seen…when it’s just me and Him and my eyes are filled with tears…the one who no matter how many times I failed Him that day; HE KNOWS that It’s all for HIS GLORY, and He knows that it’s mistakes made and lessons learned with great love!

Lesson #1: IT’S NOT ABOUT ME! When you are in this country away from friends, comforts, convenience. When your family is no by your side. When bucket baths in the dark with a flashlight become the norm, and when sweat is a new line of clothing. When your walking the street and see a kid screaming because he’s being “punished” (or abused in my opinion). When life is not something that’s valued. When a Child is pooping and peeing out the same hole and there’s no money for food…let alone medical help. When NEEDS surround you and fear of failing these people and God become in your face REAL. When asking God difficult questions become a daily thing…that’s when “IT’S NOT ABOUT ME” is not just something that’s said but it’s a way of life. Realizing how much pressure can be applied to missionaries around the world…and knowing that the ONLY One who has the answers is JESUS!! May HE be lifted high and glorified, and may the rest of us be hid in the glorious shadow of HIS precious cross.. that’s where I want to abide!!

Lesson #2: GOD IS NO’T ALWAYS AUDIBLE! Here lately I’ve been praying for God to speak in this loud audible voice like He did for Moses or lead me with a cloud and fire like He did with the children of Israel, but how quickly He reminds me that hearing from God takes many different forms. The hardest thing for a christian to do is be still.

The other day Tachi and I went to the market. Market days are crowded and filled with Haitians trying to sell what they have so they can make it another day. Market days remind just how important it is to spread Christ’s name in this country. It’s a constant reminder of how strong Haitians are and how great the need is to help these people.

As we walked through the market I saw many children ages 8-16 selling, begging, doing what they could to make a little money. Children who have never stepped foot into a classroom and probably will never have the opportunity, and yet every now and then when I would smile or ask them their name you would see a little smile or hear a giggle. These children need love!

As we continued to walk my eyes locked with a man. A man in his 50’s; one leg curled up underneath him the other leg missing. A man that was crawling through dirt and rotten vegetables with two arms that stopped just above the elbows. Covering his limbs were two dirty socks with holes where he’s been forced to  crawl on the filthy ground so much  due to his situation. This man will NEVER be able to walk, never be able to pick up anything and hold items in his hands…and yet he was singing in creole the hymn “When the Role is called up yonder”! When our eyes met he NEVER asked me for a thing. Instead he smiled, gave me a gentle nod, and sang the hymn a little louder!

In that moment I didn’t hear from God in an audible voice or with a fiery cloud, BUT HE SPOKE!!! You see He reminder me once again that there is an inarticulate fellowship sweeter than words! It’s that peaceful feeling when two souls bonded by the same Heavenly Father express the silent fellowship of love. That’s when you feel His presence, sense His approval, and experience His blessing. That’s when you know that GOD IS WORKING and MOVING and SPEAKING. That’s when your heart can hear Him whisper just love. Love and serve through the hour of waiting… TRUST IN MY TIME! That’s when I am reminded that even my waiting can be a form of worship!!

Market day in Haiti

another shot as we entered the market…before the crowded part.

This is just a small shot of the feeding program on Saturday’s @ Respire Haiti! HUNDREDS of children are fed and placed into smaller groups where they learn about the Lord!

the rest of the pictures are some of the MANY precious kids that come to the feeding program!

Sending you MUCH LOVE from Haiti!!!

 

 

 

Faith poured out…

Faith Poured Out…

12 years…years that have changed the course of my life but I couldn’t see God’s handy work. 12 years since my first trip to Haiti that opened my eyes to the true need in this world. Years that formed me, challenged me, and years that allowed me to see God’s great Agape love!! Years that represent heart break, joy, raw emotions…years of searching and realizing who I am in Christ -this new creature that somehow continues to transform.

Almost three years ago I was faced with the ultimate question from God…Will you go and love like I would love? My answer simple: yes, Lord, send me! Three years of saying yes…but asking when. Until this summer….

It’s funny how God grows you by pushing your comfort zone a little at a time. Little by little I have been giving God “my faith coins” (as I like to call them J), thinking that if I gave Him a few here and a slight amount there I could skim the surface until He absolutely forced me to take the ultimate leap.

As you all know this summer God allowed me to spend two months serving in the country that has captivated my heart! This summer in many ways was challenging to say the least. But it was also a summer full of lessons, laughter, tears, humility, and being able to watch The Mighty one move at the sound of His children’s cry! For all of these I am beyond thankful!!

Looking back I see how this summer wreaked my heart in a way that it has never been wreaked before. I literally left broken for these kids and the people of Haiti more than I ever have been any other trip. Now I see God’s purpose…When I left the states in May it was officially the beginning of the end of “me”! Sure, I still have the same body, same voice, etc… but something inside has changed! Who I was, what I thought was important, expectations that I thought I always had to meet somehow gets lost in the fog and ALL I see is one goal…one vision…one purpose.

Which now leads me to the big announcement!!

When I left Haiti in mid July I knew I wasn’t finished. I had just barely scratched the surface of trying to understand the vastness of Haiti and it’s people! I came back feeling lost and unsettled. BUT GOD MOVES IN WAYS WE NEVER THINK POSSIBLE!!! I now have the wonderful opportunity to work with an organization called Respire Haiti. This organization desires to encourage, educate, and empower restaveks, orphans and vulnerable children through Christ’s love.  Restavek from the French language means “one who stays with”. It is a child who is sent by their parents to work for a host household as a domestic servant because the parents lack the resources required to support the child. Restavek may refer to a child staying with a host family, but usually refers specifically to those who are abused.

I am beyond thrilled to learn from this organization and serve with them!! I feel that it is vital that I learn as much as I can before running an orphanage with VOC, USA.  I will no longer have a job, an apt, a car etc.  God has made it obvious that He wants me…all of me…and with that comes my ENTIRE bank account of faith coins. I am officially 100% dependent upon the Lord and looking for Him to provide the support to meet my financial needs in Haiti. Although I am not fully funded as a full time missionary I am at my halfway goal, and I know that God can continue to raise the rest.

I understand, to many, this might not make sense or may seem like I am risking everything. Trust me…I have weighed it all and came to this conclusion: I would rather risk it all to follow Christ and love on His people than play it safe and always wonder. The bible says take up your cross daily…for me that means leaving everything behind (my BEAUTIFUL family, wonderful friends, financial security, comfort, and convenience).

 I don’t have the answers to a lot of things, but I do know that God has chosen me to stand up for the children and people of Haiti. To spread the Gospel, encourage, love, laugh, and embrace this culture-and during this process He has called me to step into the most intimate relationship I have ever been in. Drowning out everything else and letting His heart become my compass.

I will be leaving once again for Haiti on October the 14^th. Somehow I have the feeling that I have JUST started living my life…Prayers are highly desired and coveted because I have officially poured my faith completely out!!

*Don’t forget to say an extra special prayer for my parents. I couldn’t ask for a better or stronger support system! Pray that God will comfort them as they figure out how to parent across the ocean 😉